Life can be so disorienting. One minute you’re minding your own business and the next thing you know, someone says the words “salmon sperm facial”. Jarring, to say the least.
This is what happened to me recently, which is why I’m now doing it to you. Sorry. I heard about salmon sperm facials because reality star and nipple bra purveyor Kim Kardashian recently talked about getting one. Earlier this year, on her show The Kardashians, she told her mom, Kris Jenner: “I got a salmon sperm facial.” Then, to clarify: “With salmon sperm injected into my face.”
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Salmon sperm facials are also known as “polynucleotide treatments” – a more polite term to throw around at a family dinner or with colleagues.
“Polynucleotides are basically small fragments of DNA and RNA,” explains Dr Richard Westreich, a facial plastic surgeon in New York City. When injected into the skin, these fragments can help stimulate the production of new blood vessels, more collagen and keratinocytes, which help make new skin cells. All of this gives skin a thicker, healthier and more hydrated appearance, says Westreich. “It’s basically an overall skin boost.”
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The nucleotides in salmon DNA are similar enough to humans’ that they are generally well tolerated by the body and don’t cause an inflammatory reaction, Westreich explains.
The testes contain a higher concentration of DNA, which makes it easier and more cost-efficient for manufacturers to extract from there, a biochemist explained to USA Today.
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A 2024 review of the use of polynucleotides in aesthetic medicine found that some studies demonstrated “significant improvements in skin elasticity and hydration”, while others “reported limited or no benefits”.
I’ll stick with my usual regime of octopus bukkake.
Octopus lovers: taking the k out of kink.
Kin?
In
It’s beginning to look a lot like fishmen
Because people need to invent new ways to fuck over animals, as if overfishing and choking our environment with methane emissions weren’t enough.
Can I do a more manly animal? The Pūteketeke, for instance.
Never heard of this bird. I guess it pukes a lot. here’s what it sounds like
https://www.rnz.co.nz/national/programmes/birds-on-morning-report/audio/2599117/puteketeke
“Everyone’s got to have a hobby. Some people collect stamps or continental landmasses. Me, I can identify every bone in the human body by the sound of it breaking.” - Ulysses Sweet, Maniac for Hire
Excuse me while I vomit.