One of the reasons I made this community was to watch B movies. Not in a hipster, “oh, so bad it’s good” way—no. I mean the ones that genuinely lack taste but accidentally hit something primal in your brain. Roger Corman understood that. Little Shop of Horrors. Death Race 2000. Chopping Mall. Garbage and genius at the same time.

But forget Corman for a minute. We’re starting LIVE MOVIE FRIDAYS with something I’ve never seen: End of the World (1977). IMDb gives it a 3.2. Which means it’s either a crime against cinema… or exactly what we’re looking for.

The plot:

After seeing a man die in a strange accident, Father Pergado visits a retreat where he meets his alien duplicate who plans to conquer Earth.

Yes. Christopher Lee—actual Christopher Lee—plays both the priest and his alien double. He likely took the role for the paycheque. The man went from Dracula to “space priest with RadioShack gadgets” without blinking. And the gadgets? They look like the production designer robbed a CB radio swap meet.

Sue Lyon—Lolita herself—is in this too. By this point in her career, the Kubrick days were long gone. This was one of her final roles before quitting the business entirely. And honestly… based on audience reception, you’d probably quit too.

From what I’ve read, the movie spends more time on stilted conversations than the actual apocalypse. The alien tech, at least as seen from the trailer? Cardboard and flashing lights. And yet—that’s exactly why it’s perfect. This is end-of-the-world cinema as filtered through a church basement rummage sale.

So here’s the deal: I’m watching it live. I’ll be commenting as it unspools. If you’re smart, you’ll watch with me. If you’re not, you’ll still hear about it—because I have a feeling this one’s going to make Plan 9 look like 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Watch it with me:

• Amazon Prime: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B9TDDX7N
• Tubi: https://tubitv.com/movies/310797/end-of-the-world

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Whoo! End of the world! First scene has a chef playing pinball and listening to jazz. Christopher Lee walks in, and damn, he’s really wooden. He’s playing a priest who needs to make a phone call, and he’s the most inarticulate priest I’ve ever witnessed. But right when he reaches for the phone, explosions happen. The chef does, and Christopher Lee, in an almost shrugging way, gives him last rites. Kind of exciting in the way putting your finger in a light socket is.

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So Christopher Lee, as priest, makes his way back to church. Then he meets Christopher Lee, who greets him, and welcomes him back to church. Now we see the opening credits. Wouldn’t it be amazing if the movie ended here?

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Next scene has computers that resemble Commodore PETs. Lots of flashing lights and doo-hickeys that do nothing. There’s a reel-to-reel tape machine in the background—and I want one. Scientist dude is smoking a cigarette with a red rotary phone in front of him. Also a picture of a blonde babe. I wonder if we’ll see her. This lone guy says there’s “patterns from outer space”. Oh, my patterns. But he can’t tell his superior more because he just has a feeling. Side note: I like how computer scientists wear long white jackets like they’re doctors.

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Say whatever you want about this movie. It’s got a killer soundtrack. Lots of sweet jazz with great keyboard licks and a slick downbeat.

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Scientist guy comes home. And his place is slick. So much woodgrain and brick. I want woodgrain and brick to make a comeback. Scientist guy first with his blonde wife, who’s wearing what looks like a fancy nightgown. Wait guys. Scientist guy wants to have sex. So some kissy kiss stuff, but damn—no bow chicka-wow-wow for us.

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And suddenly, there’s a jump cut to scientist guy working on knock-off Commodore PETs and wife serving him coffee. While chomping on cookies, wife asks him, “What’s so important”. Scientist says this is the first time he’s been able to detect a coded message from space. Asks his wife if she understands, and she says she doesn’t. Wait. How can you not understand that? Seems pretty clear to me. Now a message gets blasted on his computer over and over again, “LARGE EARTH DISRUPTION”—at least five times. Wife asks what that means. Scientist says, “I don’t know”—this is the first time he’s received messages from space. Wife nags him to go to a banquet and leave his computer.

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Now in the car coming back to the banquet. This wife is so easy to please. She’s proud of him for… existing? Scientist shuts him off to receive a shocking newscast over the radio! There’s a disaster in China! But it’s not clear what’s happening! Does this have anything to do with “LARGE EARTH DISRUPTION”? Wife is skeptical. Do we have a mystery on our hands?

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Scene cuts to scientist in a manufacturing facility. Why there? I don’t know. But he’s talking to an old bald dude who I assume is his boss—boss giving him some stern motivation. Something about politics. Russia! And there’s a rocket in the background! I guess scientist guy has to leave for Washington for… reasons.

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Scientist guy doesn’t want to do his boring job. He wants to do something about messages from space. But I don’t know, his job looks pretty need in that he gets to play with throbbing green crystals while dressed as Darth Vader.

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We’re back in the computer lab. And it is noisy—so noisy, I wouldn’t be able to get anything done. Not in the hot fan type of noise, just the decorative computer doohickey way. Now there’s a message on his computer—seemingly from space—about Zaire.

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Back to bed with the hot wife. She, still impressed with her husband, clearly wants to be ravished. He doesn’t want to do it because… aliens. Now she complains that he’s not romantic enough, so sulks in a corner.

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Something something about disaster in Zaire. Oh, are those mysterious messages in space predicting natural disasters?

Sidenote: how does this guy know it’s aliens and not, you know, someone pulling a prank on him?

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This poor wife thinks the world of her husband, and he always acts so dismissive of her—won’t even give her a plow because he’s too busy being concerned about aliens and computer text.

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Husband and wife are at a nunnery. Why? I don’t know. But nun tells wife that she prays to St. Catherine to give her the best rose garden—and somehow it works.

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By the way, there’s no Christopher Lee yet.

But it’s dark, and the husband and wife are doing some “investigating” in… what looks like a zoo. Wife is just incredulous. I don’t blame her—husband is a walking, talking Dunning-Kruger effect. Look, you’re not smart just because you use a computer. You’d think we’d all learn that lesson by now, but no. Wife looks incredibly bored, but there’s ominous music playing.

Oh no! She’s suddenly stuck in a zoo cage—calling for her husband! “HELP!” she keeps yelling, and husband appears out of nowhere and calms her down. Serves you right for trespassing in a zoo. And by the way, I still don’t know why they’re there.

More ominous music plays, with some off kilter piano to let us know it’s very serious now. So they investigate something I can’t really see, but it’s dark and there’s lots of shadows while walking down the stairs. Uh oh, guys with guns told them to come down, and they’re being searched. Old guy who looks like Colonel Sanders asks for an explanation of why they’re there. Yeah, why are they there? Turns out Colonel Sanders is actually a military guy. Wife says she doesn’t know what’s going on—neither do I, ma’am.

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Colonel Sanders explains everything he’s doing with his communications, talks about countries and what they’ll do with satellites. Asks our scientist why he’s snooping around. He says, “Wish I could tell you, but I can’t.”

And for whatever reason, Colonel Sanders just rides with it. Yeah, no big deal. That non-answer is perfectly acceptable.

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Hey guys, scientist and wife just had sex so they’re walking around in their hotel room in white towels.

Wife asks if wants to go back to the nun convent. Yeah, totally a thing to say after you just had sex.

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Okay, why are they at the nunnery again? Was the wife just super jealous of the rose bushes?

And here we find out that Father Pergado is in charge of the convent—and he always welcomes strangers.

Ohhh, is this where we finally see Christopher Lee? Yes! And he’s smiling like a vampire, surrounded by his gang of nuns.

Father Pergado reasonably asks why these people would ever just show up at a convent. And wildly—the scientist says, “Curiosity”. Wife clarifies it’s not religious curiosity. Scientist says there’s weird radio waves coming out of his convent. Is it aliens?!

Priest brushes it off, says it’s all boring.

So scientist wants to use his doohickey mobile device to check things out, while a nun watches over him—please, no monkey business.

You can tell the wife thinks this is all very dumb. And it is. But okay, there’s an itch that needs scratching.

Got to say, though, these numbs have great taste in interior decor. Love the lace curtains paired with the spindly candles and woodgrain. Also, religious icons pair well with organs.

But I just got to ask, why would the Roman Catholic Church leave one man alone in a house full of 10 nuns? They might be old but, come on.

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Scientist goes back to work. Boss yells at him to do his job. Just as things go back to normal, he looks on his computer and sees that the aliens are talking about him. GASP!

These aliens aren’t very smart of OpSec, are they?

Later, husband tell wife that the aliens are onto them… so they have to go it alone.

Okay, but why is this man forcing his hot wife to go along with his shenanigans? Wouldn’t she rather do something she likes for a change?

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Now the couple are skulking around the convent. Suddenly, they are attacked by old nuns! The horror!

But I won’t lie. One man’s horror is another man’s happy weekend.

So they’re put in the convent basement and it’s revealed… the nuns have their own kicks computers with a rotating Earth globe! There’s fancy lights! Killer RGB! Does the Catholic Church train their clergy in the art of h4X0ring?

No, that can’t be it. It has to be aliens! No one has any business operating a LAN in the basement.

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Christopher Lee says a prayer. Ominous music plays as nuns look him over… which means evil is about to happen!

So he, too, walks into the basement. He meets the other Christopher lee. He walks under a triangle, gets lit up by the RGB. Nuns look over like, “Yeah, whatever”—but this freaks out the wife.

Something something about exhausting all possibilities and how the Catholic clergy now need the scientist and wife.

Christopher Lee apologizes to the scientist.

“For what you just did?!”

I don’t know—what did he just do?

Something about time-velocity and interstellar travel, which forced them to murder clergy and nuns.

Tuns out, the priest and nuns are aliens who just want to go home.

Now there’s talk about crystals, and devices, and science mumbo jumbo. And scientist has to help them… or else they will murder his wife.

See? Wife should have never tagged along.

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Wife tells husband that she’s afraid because she’ll be murdered. Okay, I’d be afraid too.

So now they’re talking about escape. They give this the old college try. They’re running towards their car.

But they’ve been spotted by Christopher Lee!

For some reason, their car is super far from the convent. So far, they have to run along some train tracks. Which only results in them arriving again to the convent.

What does this mean? The clergy-aliens are controlling their every move!

This prompts them to go back onto a road where they flag down a car. They try to get in—but just before the car explodes, killing the driver. Yeah, serves him right for being a Good Samaritan!

Resigned, they go back to the convent where Christopher Lee invites them back inside.

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Morning. The aliens are serving breakfast. Bacon and eggs. And, like the good hosts they are, include coffee and orange juice.

Christopher Lee says he hope they slept well.

Outraged scientist asks why they’re so desperate—why he’d kill—to get back to their planet.

Christopher Lee reasonably says his planet has it figured out: no war, famine, or anything bad. It’s a paradise. And to be fair, maybe I would kill to get back to an awesome pleasure planet.

But never mind. Scientist has to get a crystal. Wife stays in the convent where she’s under the nun’s protection. They do a big sloppy kiss before departing.

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Husband busts into his science facility while under cover of night. He’s got to get that crystal, I guess. He’s not very stealth, but there’s no security guards—at least it seems. Wait. There is one, and he’s too busy reading a book. So scientist chloroforms the poor sap.

Wait a minute. Why’s he breaking and entering into his own place of work. Wouldn’t it just be easier to walk in there during the day and leave with the crystal? Maybe I’m asking too many questions.

But whatever, he grabs it. And another security guard finds the other unconscious security guard. Sets the alarm, and discovers scientist is the culprit. Gives scientist a look like, “Why are you foolishly breaking and entering when you can just walk in?”

So the security guards chase after the scientist. They shoot. One of them says, “Don’t shoot! It’s the professor!”—but too late, the shooting results in an explosion killing them.

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Scientist delivers the crystal. He demands his wife back. Christopher Lee says the agreement has expired—too bad for him.

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Back in the convent basement. We’re now told that there are too many diseases on Earth—and these diseases are contaminating other planets. Wait. Do these aliens realize there are light years of distance between our planet and their’s, and that viruses are terrible space travellers. No matter, the Earth must be destroyed.

So the aliens leave by walking under a triangle, and now natural disasters must commence.

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Lots of earthquakes, typhoons, and explosions. Serves scientist for bringing his wife along on his stupid busy bodying. How’s that? Your curiosity resulted in the death of the world.

Christopher Lee leaves. But before he does, he tells scientist that he would be an excellent citizen of his world. What’s left unsaid is—too bad, you’re stuck on shitty Earth with all its volcanoes and crumbling dams.

Now we see a whole lot of destruction. Wife asks if this is really happening. Oh, it’s happening. But now they’re following the aliens under the pyramid contraption.

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Well, that’s it. The Earth just exploded. And when it did, it let loose a lot of confetti.

Eerie mystical music plays.

That’s literally the end of the movie.

Credit to the movie for delivering what it promised in the title. But it’s also a big letdown. And also I can’t help but feel that yeah, I was right. The scientist is literally the walking Dunning-Kruger effect.

Terrible movie. Groan-inducing. But if this is how the world ends, at least it’s the stupidest way everything ends.