If you were fleeing war or persecution, would you not prefer to go to a country where you could speak the language and/or had family? Being able to speak the language would also mean you can start working as soon as your claim is processed. Yes, if I was fleeing war, I would want to go to the first safe place. But after safety, the next thing is being able to actually get on with your life and provide for yourself and family.
For instance I can’t speak Turkish, I find it a very hard language to learn. So if I could choose between settling there and going somewhere like France, Portugal or Spain where I have some proficiency in the languages, I would try to get there, because I’d be able to get into work a lot quicker and become part of a community if my application got approved. And even more so if I knew people there. It’s not a case of being greedy or picky, these people are still humans who need to get on with their lives.
Living in London all my life, we grew up in a car-less household and my dad would do nearly all of the food shopping for our family of 6 himself (7 for a while when my uncle lived with us while he was studying), carrying it all home on the bus. I am still car-free and can get my shopping home using the bus or my bike on the way home from work. If you can’t do that in your city, then that’s the fault of your city’s planners. It’s a failure of providing good public transport.