They do not want you in Iran.

They do not want you in Japan.

They do not want you here or there.

They do not want you anywhere.

They do not want you. Understand?

Just calm the fuck down, Uncle Sam.

“Well, if you would just listen t–”

“So mysterious.”

Thank you so much! It’s weird, but my life feels more complete from hearing it and yet, now I fell like I know how Saliere must have felt. I will never come remotely close to topping that.

O say can you drill, by the dawn’s early light,

What so proudly we hailed at the wellhead’s last gleaming,

Whose drill bits and flood lamps through the perilous fight,

O’er the mud pits we watched, were so gallantly reaming?

And the flare stack’s red glare, the crude bursting in air,

Gave proof through the night that our rig was still there;

O say does that oil-spattered derrick yet stand,

O’er our new vassal serfs and their occupied land?

Maybe once.

It might seem overly self-involved, but sometimes you have to be shellfish to achieve your goals. There’s no arguing with the results. He got the hard body he wanted. On a side note, with all that straining, I thought he was going to pull a mussel. Sorry if these puns are getting clawfully bad. I wasn’t shore if this comment would work, but I didn’t want to scuttle the whole thing either.

For just one dollar per day, you could give these Shasta Cola bears food to eat, and a comfortable house to live in.

12 easy payments of $7.50.

Well, that’s a dark take, but at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Hallmark has made a movie that features a Ghislaine Maxwell analog as the protagonist who’s wrongfully accused of human trafficking while teaching everyone the “true meaning of Christmas.”

I just realized Peter was spanking Tinkerbell to get fairy dust.

I guess she was getting whatever she wanted out of that relationship, though. She could have just left and he wouldn’t have been able to fly.

On the flip side, what if he assumes that she’s just in it for the espionage, but she really just likes him.

She works in medical informatics in a building next to his in the same office park. She sees him occasionally through her window as he unknowingly eats his lunch on the garden bench in front of it a couple times per month. She’s tried going out there for lunch, too, but he’s usually intently focused on something else.

One day, on the bench at lunch, he reacts to his phone, types something out quickly, and rushes off. His ear buds fall out of his pocket as he goes. She runs outside and picks them up, but he’s gone. She plans to bring them to him the next time she sees him out there. Then she gets an email; her company is relocating to the next town over. Not knowing if she’ll see him again, she waits outside his building after work. She intends to just give him the headphones, but in the course of normal pleasantries, he mentions that he’s working on an LLM.

Currently, the main project she’s working on is figuring how to securely use LLMs to assist disabled patients with interpreting their their medical records. AI isn’t her area of expertise, but she knows enough to ask questions that keep the conversation going. He seems pretty responsive, and she impulsively blurts out, “Do you want to go have drinks with me?” He agrees. They have a great time and plan to meet again soon.

Yeah, I’m having a hard time interpreting anything more from this than, “Ha ha, murder.”

Had to cut an interview short today. Everything was going great until the interviewer dropped the dreaded R-word: Responsibility.

Like, really? We’re talking about a once-in-a-lifetime employment opportunity here, and they want to focus on labor? Priorities, people…back to the jobs pool we go.

How many of those can dance on the head of a pin?

We choose to scan the cat’s butthole not because it is easy, but because it is hilarious.

What is “denticle paper?”

That’s a pretty cool attitude to have about it. What’s the situation for the last time this happened to you?

More propaganda from Big Library. I know you have that book, Linda!

“The 911 JFK Flat Moon Landing at Area 51: How the Reptilian CIA Used the Fake Holocaust to Create the COVID Delusion for Autism, and You’re the Smartest Goodest Boy for Being Correct about Having Secret Knowledge Despite the Fact that It’s Based on Information that Everyone in the Whole World Has Access to.”

“Okay, we need a name for this one, too.”

“Bushtit.”

[Sigh] “Fine. And this one?”

[Snickering] “Blue footed booby.”

“Ugh, but why?.”

“It’s got blue feet.”

“Whatever. How about this one?”

“Titmouse.”

“I think I’m starting to see a pattern here. Is everything okay at home?”

[Bursts into tears] “No! Not since this one.” [Hands other person a photo] “I call that one ‘horrible shrew that ruined my life!’” [Sobbing]

[Other person holding the photo of the ex-partner]

Alright, but I don’t want to sugar coat it. It’ll be a long, difficult journey. It’s doable, though, and the rewards will be substantial. First off, money is tight. We’ll probably have to start with green anoles on HO scale trains just to make the market and create at least some demand. However, I’m confident we can have monitor lizards on 1:8 scale by 4th quarter 2027. With any luck we’ll be running full scale standard gauge rolling stock with Utahraptors by early 2031.