Mirror selfies seem like a very reasonable thing to do at a gym, particularly if you are looking for progress pics, taking the same picture in the same location while it’s still in your mind.

I’m an American, and I had to ask my wife what that was the first time I saw it. And then I needed an explanation on why that was a problem, because I had thought the point of text messages was that you could read it and get back at your convenience, as opposed to a phone call you have to respond to in the moment.

Apparently I’m old.

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Do you need to be an -ian? Like, if you like the teachings of Ghandi, or Socrates, or Marcus Aurelius, you don’t have to call yourself a Ghandian, or a Socratian, or an Aurelian. You just agree with their teachings.

I feel like you’re just making a dig on Christians, and it’s not like a lot of them don’t deserve it, but what you’re talking about isn’t a religion. You don’t need an -ian to like a philosophy.

The worst were always the first of Depressing Comic Week, because you don’t expect it. It starts out normal and ends up shockingly depressing and says something like “welcome to Depressing Comics Week!”

Oh, wow, I had always thought that shooting a horse with a broken leg was an act of brutal expedience, not mercy.

Your gay uncle can get married for now. That’s still potentially on the chopping block with the current Supreme Court.

So I get that most people assume these “converts” are full of shit and living a lie, and they’re actually gay, and blah blah blah.

I’m sure many of them are, but I’d guess a lot of them are bisexual, and lacking any real empathy, they assume all gay men can just choose to only go for women, like they did. They still want dick (and sometimes go get it anyway), but are okay with marrying a woman and having kids, and trying to ignore the part of them that wants men. They think of it as “resisting temptation” the same way a straight man resists the temptation of women other than his wife.

We all mourn the passing of the Head of Reason.

I just started playing Magic the Gathering, and my Command Deck I just bought came before my box, sleeves, or dice.

I thought there was going to be a game last night at my local bar, and I was about to recreate this comic (except with the cardboard box it came in instead of a sock).

I don’t like Mitt and voted against him when he ran.

But I’d still vote for him over Trump if those were my only realistic options. I mean, obviously.

I prefer when it plays a song as the battle theme that is a version of what you’ve been hearing the whole time, where the lyrics start making sense and add a bunch to the fight.

Ex: FFXIV Shadowbringers, the theme “Shadowbringers” that starts out “One brings Shadow, one brings the Light…” and is just generally a banger that goes along with a great and meaningful fight.

Also the quest you’re completing is called “Shadowbringers.”

So kind of the same thing, I guess.

There is a military bar at the base I work, and currently operated by coworkers until they can hire staff. Their PoS System automatically pops up the tip, and they have to tell us every time that they legally can’t accept tips. So yeah, definitely default.

At a bagel place I used to go to, the person behind the counter said not to bother leaving a tip on the machine because the owners just took that. I came back the next time with cash and a printout of the law that shows that is considered wage theft and the Department of Labor number to call.

So, literally “giving your two cents” about the service?

I’m a man, and that’s how I feel about boxers and being nude. I don’t like that dangle feel of uncontrolled swaying on a sensitive part.

The Detroit Lions are the only American football franchise operational for the entirety of the Super Bowl era to not appear in the Super Bowl.

So two men from Detroit die and wind up in hell. One day the Devil comes around and sees the two in thick coats, hats, and mittens, with a fire barrel between them, seemingly enjoying themselves. The Devil walks up to them and asks how they find Hell.

“Oh, it’s great! It gets awfully cold up in Michigan, dontcha know, so it’s nice to get some warmth!”

The Devil walks off in a huff, and heads over to Hell’s Thermostat. He turns the heat up, saying “let’s see how they like this.”

The next day he goes back to the two, and finds them with coats but no hats or mittens, still seemingly enjoying themselves. He walks up and asks how they are doing.

“Well, it’s nice to get a little more heat here! Up in the U.P. we don’t get summers like this, doncha know.”

The Devil walks off in a huff again, and heads back to The Thermostat. He cranks it up to the maximum and is immediately assaulted with the anguished cries of the damned.

The next day he goes back to the two, and finds them in swim shorts and seemingly enjoying themselves. He walks up and asks how they like the heat now.

“Oh, it’s so nice here! We can finally enjoy some heat after being cold so long!”

The Devil stomps off again, and heads back to The Thermostat. After staring at it a moment, he says “well, if they like the heat, we’ll just give them back the cold!” And he cranks the Thermostat down as far as it can go. The cries of the torment soften to the sound of a multitude of chattering teeth. Icicles beging forming on the stalagtites and lava pools cool and solidify.

The Devil returns to the two men to find them back in coats and mitten, loudly cheering and celebrating. The Devil loses his composure and yells.

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND! I turn the heat up, and you enjoy it, but I blast you with cold and now I find you cheering! This is Hell! What do you have to celebrate?!”

The two hug each other and yell out happily “The Lions must have won the Superbowl!”

And the US military. I was studying the supply manual (not for fun, a large portion of our promotions are based on a test we take once a year), and saw there was a hierarchy for ordering. Most of our stuff is from Skilcraft (“Made with pride by people who are blind”) and thought that was our preferred source. Nope! Our first source we have to try to order from is Unicor. So I looked up Unicor, and it’s prison labor.

So our first focus is buying cheap products from slave labor lining the pockets of truly awful business people. The secondary choice is one that helps blind people. Way to show priorities, right?

It turtley is. For shark.