johnlawrenceaspden

That’s the spirit! What fun you must have imagining them all fighting about who’s real…

I do hope that city isn’t called R’lyeh…

They sound like great Gods, and I’ll believe in them even though they don’t exist. Where do we meet up to sing?

Nah, we think you’re on your phone, asleep at the wheel, halfwitted, careless, angry and frustrated and in a hurry.

And you don’t really remember the highway code, because that was some guff you had to study for an exam when you were eighteen. Nobody really drives like that, right?

And you’ve usually been driving for more than an hour so your minds aren’t really on the job.

And you’ve got the music on really high and it keeps distracting you at important moments.

The few drivers who actually are soulless malevolent murderers who enjoy the thought of running over pedestrians and cyclists really make the other 90% look bad though.

A bit like the consensus that most gods don’t exist.

As long as he’s on the road I got no problem with that! A brave man.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve hated and feared cars since I was a boy. But some greenwashing fuckers and their shills in the ‘bike lobby’ legalising riding motorbikes in what used to be safe places has hardly improved matters.

Now there’s nowhere safe to ride a bike or walk, or for children to play.

Fuck cars and fuck motorbikes.

Also, 60 pounds my arse. You might get the odd actual bicycle with a little electric motor attached, but most of them are the same weight and speed as mopeds. And they don’t stay “restricted to 20mph” for long.

I like to drive it at 30 miles an hour on the pavements and footpaths, scattering and scaring pedestrians and children. I am too much of a nancy to ride it on the road where it might be me that gets hurt, but at least I have a plastic hat so I don’t have to pay attention while I’m driving.

Soon no place outside will be safe from hurtling steel, and we will have won.

I am planning to buy an off-roader, so I can get the vermin who try to hide from the traffic in the parks and gardens.