I remember my sophomore year in High School a friend walked up to me and we got to talking and then they ask “so are you planning anything for homecoming?”. I just replied “nah. I’m not really into football and I think I have to work that night anyway.” And they were like “Okay well cool.”
Fast forward 35 years, I tell this story to a friend and they said “so did they ask you out anyway?” And I was like “No, I… WAIT! Is that what they were getting at? It actually flew over my head? Holy shit!” And it took a whole 35 years before I finally realized it.
In all fairness though, I had a lot going on at that point in my life. My mother two years earlier had passed away from a three year battle with cancer and my father had left us orphan about three weeks later. I was still processing shit with the whole foster care and nobody else in my god forsaken family wanting to take me or my siblings in.
Oh and I never got with the person because like maybe four months later I had to move to another foster family (which side note: I eventually had to leave that other family too because the parents were that weird religious abusive kind and I got pulled during a welfare check to go elsewhere) which meant a change in schools (had to change schools yet again after that second family). Something, something the foster care dad got arrested with a DUI, something something, you can’t keep kids in your house. But you know looking back maybe it was for the best because it would have sucked to have to move after developing emotions for someone.
Nah, I ask people what they are doing for something (the weekend, Christmas, whatever) all the time and I’m not trying to ask them on a date for that event.
I mean I can see from your point of view and get why you’re angry with the family for not taking you in but do you believe anyone in the family were more capable than the foster care(even if they wanted you)? Taking on someone’s kids is a massive responsibility as you even admit from the experience with the foster care how easy it was that you were removed. The only time that doesn’t happen is if you’re with your family of origin. Anywhere else even in extended you would have been removed as you’d be under the guardians of state or province the moment your natural parents are gone. And Unless someone has planned to have a family you can’t assume they have the stability you’re expected to have for raising a child. A lot of people have to prove they can provide and they simply can’t and easily fail and the system won’t allow them regardless of their intention.
Source: I’ve had to be in foster care because even though my mom was present but too drunk and physically abusive. I don’t blame the rest of her family for not being able to take me in though. I spent a lot of time running away from her (and the fucked up foster system) until eventually I was legal. That’s when some of her family could take me in as a boarder because I was more independent (but more importantly: legal and no blowback on them) and i had a goal already set for school. And I get why now as it would have been a huge legal risk had they taken me in before then. I already had cops on my run away tail too often so I couldnt do that to them. And I probably would have been worse off if they took me on because I’d be taken away from them over something insanely stupid too and placed in foster care and with even less chance of finishing school the way I wanted to.
Basically I was done with being parented when I was 14. I was super independent and was working odd jobs which was easy to support myself and stay with friends. But I had to fuck around on my own outrunning cops until 18 when I could actually get some of my more serious adulting plans I had done.
I honestly don’t blame the adults around for that. I blame the system is very poorly designed to hurt any adult who would have wanted to legitimately help. And that’s really really super fucked up how it’s the system made for kids that is actually against the kids it’s supposed to help. Blind help isn’t help.
I remember my sophomore year in High School a friend walked up to me and we got to talking and then they ask “so are you planning anything for homecoming?”. I just replied “nah. I’m not really into football and I think I have to work that night anyway.” And they were like “Okay well cool.”
Fast forward 35 years, I tell this story to a friend and they said “so did they ask you out anyway?” And I was like “No, I… WAIT! Is that what they were getting at? It actually flew over my head? Holy shit!” And it took a whole 35 years before I finally realized it.
In all fairness though, I had a lot going on at that point in my life. My mother two years earlier had passed away from a three year battle with cancer and my father had left us orphan about three weeks later. I was still processing shit with the whole foster care and nobody else in my god forsaken family wanting to take me or my siblings in.
Oh and I never got with the person because like maybe four months later I had to move to another foster family (which side note: I eventually had to leave that other family too because the parents were that weird religious abusive kind and I got pulled during a welfare check to go elsewhere) which meant a change in schools (had to change schools yet again after that second family). Something, something the foster care dad got arrested with a DUI, something something, you can’t keep kids in your house. But you know looking back maybe it was for the best because it would have sucked to have to move after developing emotions for someone.
That’s kinda on the person asking, you kinda have to be more direct about that.
…I just want to hug you for all eternity.
Tbf, asking if someone has plans and then leaving it at that is barely asking someone out since, well, you didn’t at that point…
Nah, I ask people what they are doing for something (the weekend, Christmas, whatever) all the time and I’m not trying to ask them on a date for that event.
I mean I can see from your point of view and get why you’re angry with the family for not taking you in but do you believe anyone in the family were more capable than the foster care(even if they wanted you)? Taking on someone’s kids is a massive responsibility as you even admit from the experience with the foster care how easy it was that you were removed. The only time that doesn’t happen is if you’re with your family of origin. Anywhere else even in extended you would have been removed as you’d be under the guardians of state or province the moment your natural parents are gone. And Unless someone has planned to have a family you can’t assume they have the stability you’re expected to have for raising a child. A lot of people have to prove they can provide and they simply can’t and easily fail and the system won’t allow them regardless of their intention.
Source: I’ve had to be in foster care because even though my mom was present but too drunk and physically abusive. I don’t blame the rest of her family for not being able to take me in though. I spent a lot of time running away from her (and the fucked up foster system) until eventually I was legal. That’s when some of her family could take me in as a boarder because I was more independent (but more importantly: legal and no blowback on them) and i had a goal already set for school. And I get why now as it would have been a huge legal risk had they taken me in before then. I already had cops on my run away tail too often so I couldnt do that to them. And I probably would have been worse off if they took me on because I’d be taken away from them over something insanely stupid too and placed in foster care and with even less chance of finishing school the way I wanted to.
Basically I was done with being parented when I was 14. I was super independent and was working odd jobs which was easy to support myself and stay with friends. But I had to fuck around on my own outrunning cops until 18 when I could actually get some of my more serious adulting plans I had done.
I honestly don’t blame the adults around for that. I blame the system is very poorly designed to hurt any adult who would have wanted to legitimately help. And that’s really really super fucked up how it’s the system made for kids that is actually against the kids it’s supposed to help. Blind help isn’t help.