I have an idea for a post, some may have seen a comment of mine earlier. I’m looking for the most offensive-to-coffee-snobs approach to making coffee possible. I’m assuming something to do with instant, but from there, I don’t have many ideas.
Someone suggested reconstituting it in milk, that seems fun, any other ideas? I’m fully expecting the end result to be absolutely disgusting, for what it’s worth. I’m looking for the worst abomination possible, but it still needs to technically be coffee. Get creative, have fun with this. Whichever technique gets chosen (or multiple get combined), I’ll credit in the post I make.
Microwave some store bought coldbrew. Only drink that style of coffee
Turning the script. the most “elitest”
Buying an expensive esspresso machine only to never calibrate it and use pre-ground supermarket coffee.
Poor some instant coffee on a plate. Spit on it then lick it up.
That’s should annoy just about everyone.
That’s gotta be instant coffee. It doesn’t taste good, super bitter, cheap, you microwave the water and then spoon on some of that dry ass shit… let’s be honest, it’s gross. Totally not an elitist thing to do. That said, i do it. And I’m not elite.
I know I’m late to the party, but I had to get some instant coffee and wedge some in between my check and gums.
buy pre-ground coffee. that’s guaranteed to be the worst.
thats so gourmet of you
I mean, it probably won’t taste as bad as instant but old stale pre-ground coffee from originally really nice beans gets points in the offensive category for sure.
honestly I’d rather have a decent instant coffee than use beans that have been sitting pre-ground for more than, like, a day!
That’s definitely a hot take, but respect for knowing what you like. I’ve definitely had pre-ground that was way better than any instant I’ve ever tried, but maybe I just haven’t had good instant yet.
I’ve heard (but can’t personally confirm) that it’s possible for instant coffee to be quite good.
and actually I take it back, I might not turn my nose up at pre-ground coffee over instant, like if I just want black coffee but the only instant coffee also has sugar and (dehydrated) cream.
tho who am I kidding, my sweet tooth would probably win out in that case…
I’ve heard of specialty roasters doing instant quite well, but I also can’t confirm if they’re any good or not.
My husband buys these frozen pods to add to warm water. I’m sure they’re great but I took a double take.
Going to 7/11 and buying a bottled Starbucks mocha.
Keurig. Terrible coffee. Terrible for the environment. Real offensive.
instant granules sprinkled on top of ice cream, call it an affigato. Bonus points for international roast.
The original K pod, where you get Koffe, with a K.
my theory was those machines just reused grounds over and over.
it’s hot, it’s brown.
I have fond memories of getting absolutely mournful coffee here
I think the worst and most offensive coffee I ever drank was out of a vending machine which also served soup through the same nozzle.
To steal someone else’s reaction:
Nightmare fuel.
Laziest? Sure, but it’s not creative.
I take a mug, put the preground coffee in it, pour boiling water on it, stir it so the grounds mostly settle to the bottom, let it cool for a bit and drink. Quite common where I come from. I make it pretty strong too. People accuse me of drinking asphalt, but I enjoy it a bit more than most of those cheap automatic espresso machines.
You’ll get a bit in your teeth, that’s there for extra flavour and kick.
I mean, add some spoons and do a few at a time and you’ve got yourself a cupping.
Heh, never been enough a snob, had to Google that. You’re right! Turns out the simplest way to make coffee is also the best way to taste the specific properties of the beans apparently.
I do it with cheap preground though. Paulig, Merrild, whatever is on sale.
Well if you ever meet a really annoying coffee snob and you don’t want to feel embarrassed, when they ask you for your preferred brewing style you can always say you like a cupping as it allows you to taste the volatile aromatics more finely or some shit and hopefully impress them enough that they’ll leave you alone.
Oh no, if I meet a really annoying coffee snob, I’ll tell them I’ve moved on to adult drinks and only drink energy drinks now.
Partially true (minus the adult drink part), I drank more coffee as a teenager than I do now, energy drinks are convenient and I like a cold beverage, constantly making tons of ice coffee sounds exhausting.
Fair enough. I’ve never had an energy drink before and at this point I don’t want to try. Coffee works well for me and I don’t need all that sugar (or artificial sweetener). I have a rule that I don’t drink any sugar/sweetener. I’m not great at following it but I try my best. Trying an energy drink would probably make that rule a lot harder to follow.
My biggest weakness is juice honestly (and occasionally a latte). I’ve completely given up pop except on very rare occasions (like, probably 2-3 times per year I’ll have a root beer). I think I’ve cut everything else too. I pretty much just drink black coffee and water now. Occasionally wine/beer/whiskey but that’s getting rarer these days. When juice goes on sale though I find it very hard not to buy. If my wife is with me she’ll talk me out of it but if I’m solo I have terrible self control around juice, I’m like a toddler.
I just slurp spilled coffee out of the entrance rug at Starbucks
All of this is so unhinged that its just gonna come off as rage bait. I feel that, if you really wanna piss off a coffee snob, you’d be better off just really earnestly enjoying some extremely pedestrian coffee. Maybe Instant; Maybe one of those blueberry flavored drip brewed coffees from, like 7/11 or Wawa (make sure its not fresh); or maybe one of those bottled Dunks iced coffees; or maybe just insist you like prefer Monster and crack a 1 liter reclosable Monster can.
Like, as a coffee enjoyer, I find myself most frequently disappointed by Keurig coffee, for whatever thats worth.
the best way to piss off a coffee snob is to drink coffee like a brazillian would just buy the cheapest pre ground at the local store, make it super strong drink a whole cup with little to no sugar or sweetners as if it was water uneventfully
