Wake up, people. Whisker fatigue is REAL.

If I pray real hard will Duke Energy turn my fucking power back on?

This doesn’t seem like the work of demons to me. Seems pretty on brand for your christian god, though.

Both, both, both 😏

I never know what anyone is talking about.

Wash your ass better.

Do you not wash your ass?

Catnip doesn’t get cats high, it gets them horny. Anyway, that’s cat grass, not catnip.

My wife and I each have our own cars, but they’re both in her name so she can drive whatever the fuck she wants.

Well since you put it that way… Hail Satan, comrade.

Weasels are rambunctious little fuckers.

That’s where I’m at with this one. You don’t have to dress it up to sell it to me if Brendan Fraser is in it.

I’m a scorpio and I do X all the time

No, but he made it cool.

I’d rather hang out with the crystal people.

Pussy juice

It’s alright.

The pioneers used to ride these babies for miles.

No, we just sell lemonade. But it’s cold and it’s fresh and it’s all homemade.